So I’m back after a fairly (ok very) long hiatus (droops head in shame in the hope that you will feel guilty and forgive me). I have no excuse other than sheer laziness and the profound power of procrastination. I hope to be back posting regularly but I make no promises because I know what I’m like. ANYWAY….
Do you, dear reader, like myself struggle day to day with the ebb and flow of fashion? Constantly confused over what is hot and what is not? Bewildered as to why a certain shade of orange nail polish (or should I say “evanescent creamy peach” as these things always have pretentious names) has been deemed “hot” for whatever season you happen to be in? Well its good to know we’re all in the same boat. Now I don’t dress that extravagantly. You tend to find me in dresses, often with floral prints and my staple pair of Dr Martens which I’m sure some people think I sleep in. I don’t. Or at least….I don’t deliberately sleep with them on.
But there are certain things that we really ought to be allowed to wear without fear of being reprimanded by our peers! Of course you might say that one could (and indeed should) wear these things when alone or at a fancy dress party but (dramatic statement alert).
IT IS TIME FOR A REVOLUTION
Here are just some of my ideas for things that it really ought to be more socially acceptable to wear in public.
Ok first up is one which should be obvious. Capes. Capes are amazing. But why are they limited to those in fancy dress? If a person collecting for charity can where a cape why can’t I? This revelation occurred to me when I was at a bop (think fancy dress party for students) and went as little red riding hood. Being my arguably fictional self after a few drinks I berated a good four older students who I did not (at the time) know asking every one for about ten minutes why it was not more socially acceptable to wear a cape? While that will forever be one of the cringier moments of my existence nevertheless the point still stands. In fact capes ought to be exclusive to mere mortals such as myself. As seen in the (spectacular) film ‘The Incredibles’ capes are highly impracticle garments for superheroes there is no such issue for civilians like us! We ought to reclaim the cape for ourselves because-lets face it-we’re far less likely to be sucked into a jet engine or accidentally attached to a missile.
Observe us basking in the awesomeness of my cape! (Or maybe we were running from a wolf)
Next-ridiculous hats. I own s many of these and while I do get them out on the odd occasion I always feel somewhat judged by certain members of society? When will the world be free of this yoke of oppression? When will I be able to walk the streets of Oxford in my woolen hat that has eyes attached to the top so it looks like a frog without being silently mocked by all who see me? So in addition to capes I’m also reclaiming ridiculous headwear. Not only can it keep you warm but if you think about it it’s super practical! Umbrella hats allow one to text with one hand whilst holding a piping hot coffee in the other without getting your hair wet. But since out society has deemed such headwear ‘ridiculous’ and therefore socially unacceptable we cannot embrace the wonder that is hands free umbrellas. Until this day.
I don’t recall at what age it became socially unaceptable to wear edible jewellery but whatever day it was it was a sad day. Accesorizing with tasty snacks will always be a fond memory. I long for a day when I can once again parade about town adorned with candy necklaces, haribo rings and a bracelet made by stringing cheerios onto a strawberry lace. We live in a world where disaster lurks around every corner and yet societal norms dictate that we cannot prepare ourselves by carrying extra snacks on our person while at the same time looking amazing. Now I am craving sweets and I’m angry at the world…never a good combination.
Last but most definitely not least. Why do they not make children’s shoes for adults? This plagues me every day. When I was a little girl I had amazing shoes with boats embroidered on them and (though they were deemed unnecessary by my mother) I always wanted trainers that lit up when I ran. Now I’m at a stage where I have disposable income (cough student loan cough) but my ridiculously out of proportion mammoth feet are too huge to fit the shoes I once craved. It is a travesty and on the off chance that I am ever in charge of an enormous shoe making firm (you never know it might happen) I am going to design myself the most epic pair of light up trainers with wheels on the bottom that have boats embroidered on them and can…shoot lasers (non lethal lasers of course) from the toes the world has ever seen!
See aren’t they just adorable!!! Why can’t I have these now?
So that was my-ahem- short rant about the restrictions society places on what we should and should not wear. Maybe I’m wrong and society isn’t the thing that needs to change. Maybe I am. Well if you see a (now purple haired) girl wandering down the street with her cape fluttering behind her as she munches on her jewelry completely unhindered by the rain due to her awesome hat don’t point and laugh. Merely bask in the glow of her wondrous light up shoes as she walks (nay swaggers) by.