Today my dearest reader I am doing some counting. No I am not counting our chickens-that comes at Easter time. Nor am I counting dollars or indeed stars. Instead I thought I’d brighten up what has been a marginally blue week by (at the suggestion of a friend) counting my blessings. That sounds far more naff than it is-I’m hoping it will be a joy-making exercise without making me want to vomit.
I was going to entitle this “I am in good health” but decided against that because it’s not true. I’m asthmatic to the point where if I don’t take medication I run out of breath pouring a cup of coffee. Also as I’ve mentioned in a previous post I have the vision of a shortsighted mole that has been blindfolded by his mole friends in a bout of tomfoolery. Furthermore my clumsiness means I am almost always bruised and/or scarred in one way or another. But the fact that all the things that have ever been wrong with me have been easy to manage or fix is a huge thing. Also the fact that never in my life have I been removed from the office of a healthcare professional for singing in their face is a miracle in itself.
Happiness, thy name is Anna
Now maybe the friendships I have back home are beginning to go a bit haywire and I’m almost certainly starting to lose touch with people (not difficult when your primary mode of communication with these people is snapchat) but I have definitely been blessed with a ridiculously fabulous best friend who is just as bonkers as I am. I’m pretty sure that if we ever lost touch she would run from London to Oxford and attempt to win my affection back through a combination of chocolate and violence. Incidentally she’s the only person from back home that remembers its my birthday on Sunday without the aid of Facebook-and that is true friendship right there. We can also recite the whole of the Yeo valley rap (look it up its amazing) and I think that proves that we cannot possibly be closer.
But don’t you dare assume that is where this ends! If you did assume that backtrack in your internal monologue and rethink your entire philosophy. No I am lucky enough to be blessed (still sounds naff doesn’t it?) with amazing NEW FRIENDS! This was genuinely my biggest fear about coming to Uni last October. I was almost certain that people would realise my weirdness, ignore me and before you knew it I’d be that girl that died in her room and no-one noticed until the body started to smell. But that (thankfully) isn’t the case. I have found amazing people who not only accept but reciprocate my weird! People who are perfectly happy to share facts about obscure animals (like the platypus) or who understand that sometimes when tickled I have the tendency to drop to the floor like a stone (its an odd defense mechanism I’ll grant you. Fight and flight seem to have passed me by and I resort to ‘play dead!’) To continue in the vein of being unbelievably corny I have to say that I would not have made it through this term without these people.
*provides bucket into which you may vomit*
It seems odd but one of my greatest joys in life is that my room in college is warm. This may not seem like such a big deal but, having stayed in houses where the freezing temperatures cause the need to physically force yourself into the arctic air outside the duvet, I’d say its a huge benefit to my life.
No this isn’t me counting the fact that I have eyes as a blessing. I have inherited various…less than great features and attributes from my family. I have webbed toes (not freakishly webbed just a little bit on 2 toes I’m not some kind of frog-woman hybrid) from my Grandmother, from my other Grandmother I get my chin. The less said about that the better. I have my Dad’s pale skin and lack of coordination. But it isn’t all bad. I have my mother’s eyes. (In a jar. Only kidding!) Some days they’re blue other days they’re grey but I think they’re probably my best feature. I have yet to master a seductive eyebrow raise but as soon as I do I’m fairly sure I’ll be unstoppable. Yes this is a very vain blessing to count but dammit-I’m going to count it.
This is one of those things that is fairly cringy to talk about so I’ll just say the things and move on swiftly. I can sing fairly well. I can hold a tune and a harmony. I also play the guitar not that well but well enough to keep me happy. I write my own songs which, again, only really make me happy but that still counts. I like to think I’m a fairly good actress too but I’m beginning to doubt that so it’s less of a thing. I also write, but not well. Basically what I’m trying to say is that I like the fact that I can do things, I don’t do them particularly well but they bring me happiness so they still count.
I also have obscure talents which I am far more happy to share. I’m good at coming up with weird insults such as “you bulbous watervole.” I can identify a Bishop at 30 paces. I can dance if I want to. I can leave my friends behi….anyway….
Urgh this is getting very cringy now isn’t it? I may have to stop soon or you’ll all begin to think I’m some kind of person with *dramatic pause* feelings! No in all seriousness I’ve been really lucky with relationships. Every guy who has ever reciprocated any kind of lustful or romantic and mushy feeling I’ve had has tended to be waaaay out of my league. I add extra vowels just so you can understand the awe this brings me. Furthermore I’ve not (yet) had to endure a breakup that has lead to not being friends. Its still awkward with exes but I’ve never felt the need to actively ignore mine. We coexist in a kind of “you stay out of my business and I’ll stay out of yours” scenario but they are also great friends when you need them to be. Also I’m very blessed that I haven’t scared anyone yet. I tend to get quite involved in things quite quickly (especially if I’m stressed or upset) and then mellow out a little bit later and so far I’ve always been allowed to get to the mellowing out stage without scaring them off early on. This all feels rather like I’m tempting fate. But relationships are great. Not always mind you. Sometimes they can leave you feeling unwanted and lonely (even when you’re in them) but I would say that 99 percent of the time I’m very merry.
7. Second Chances
I have been given more second chances than I deserve. Contrary to popular belief I am not a good person. I am needy, clingy and have catastrophically low self esteem a lot of the time. I’m not great at meeting people and I come with more emotional baggage that emotional terminal five. I also make really bad jokes about airports… But, even though most of the time I have in no way deserved them, people have offered me second chances. I’ve been allowed to get back in touch after I’ve forgotten to contact someone for a whole term. I’ve been forgiven for frankly insane drunk text messages (multiple times.) Maybe this just goes back to the awesome people I have in my life that they let me off when