Confession

I have bad days. In fact I have bad weeks. actually lets just say I have bad stages in my life. 

Recently I’ve been going through a bit of a rough patch and its making me confused.

I can’t be the only one (in fact I know for a fact I’m not the only one) who goes through times when they think everyone hates them. Not just the people you don’t know. It’s also the people you love, the people you’re friends with. I have days where I convince myself that every friendship I have is a fraud and that really I’m on my own. Once I’m in that place it takes a lot to drag me out (I’m talking truckloads of chocolate and tea here) and afterwards I still can’t really stop questioning my friendships. 

It doesn’t help that they don’t tell you that all the crap you put up with growing up doesn’t stop when you get to university. Just because you act like an adult does not mean that everyone else will. There are still girls with perfectly tweezed eyebrows who look at you as if you are the half-decomposed remains of some kind of invertebrate that they now have the unpleasant task of scraping off the bottom of your shoe. There are still people who can look you up and down until you wither down into the soles of your doc martens. Trust me it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the biggest boots in the world strapped to your feet-when someone calls you weird (and it isn’t meant as a compliment) you’re still going to get knocked to the ground. 

There are days when I want to confront them about it. Ask them what gives them the right to make me feel so inadequate. Maybe they don’t even know they’re doing it. Maybe we’d be friends if I could just get over my fear of getting into dialogues with the people who make me feel small. But I haven’t got there yet and there are days when I don’t think I ever will.

So how on earth do you starting fixing the feelings of inadequacy in the relationships you do have if you have no idea how to fix your feelings of inadequacy in the relationships you don’t have? Is that even the right way of doing it? Should it be the other way around? Should they be tackled simultaneously? I really don’t know. 

If you’ve got any ideas maybe let me know? Cause I’m so done with wanting to hide from people every time I walk around college…

I guess it’s funny how things change…..

I am now in my twentieth year on this earth and I’ve changed a lot since I was born. There are some obvious changes-I’m much better at walking now- but looking back at family photos there are a lot of things I used to do that I don’t do anymore.

Running like it doesn’t matter. I miss this. You know that feeling that you are basically the flash and no one will ever catch up with you. Nowadays the only time I run is if I’m about to miss the bus and even then most of the time I’ll just settle for being late to things.

Wink murder was a great game wasn’t it? Why, as an adult, do I not play it? Especially since now I think I could come up with hundreds of far more imaginative ways to die than just coughing lots. Also I’m sure there’s a drinking element that could be incorporated somehow. Bring back wink murder I say. (That sentence sounds odd perhaps I should rethink anything which suggests there should be a revival of murder?)

Side note:don't wink like this in wink murder. People will notice.

Side note:don’t wink like this in wink murder. People will notice.

Why is the Macarena no longer an acceptable dance? It’s simple, everyone knows it and it’s nigh on impossible to embarrass yourself unless you jump the wrong way when you clap and cause a domino-effect esque toppling over of everyone on the dance floor (no…that’s never happened to me….moving on!) Why is the only time I get to do this dance at weddings or really bad ‘discos’. It should be brought back as a thing. I might enjoy clubbing if there was a synchronised Macarena section!

SYNCHRONISED TOTALLY AWESOME DANCE MOVES

SYNCHRONISED TOTALLY AWESOME DANCE MOVES

The absence of glitter from my life is possibly the hardest thing about growing older. When I was young (I never needed anyone) not a day went by that I didn’t have glitter plastered all over my clothes, my shoes, my face, I even had glitter that you rolled onto your arms to make yourself extra luminescent when doing the Macarena at whatever the social occasion at the time was (year six disco). Nowadays the only time I sparkle is when I wear a sequin dress at Christmas time or when I’m helping move craft supplies and a pot of glitter explodes on me. Sigh life is so much more dull now.

Looking. Fabulous. (And sparkly

Looking. Fabulous. (And sparkly

Is there anything you miss from when you were younger? Is there anything you still do that you probably ought to have grown out of by know? Let me know it would be cool to know we’re all in the same boat!

*sprinkles you with the glitter of affection*

Judith x

I bid you all adieu with my fabulous jazz hands.

I bid you all adieu with my fabulous jazz hands.

Why is this not a thing?: The Browsing Basket

A few years ago a certain Mary Portas began to shake the world of retail with her hard hitting, truth-telling, shop assistant-shaming TV series about the flaws in the retail industry. While it made for interesting watching, it also led to great changes in the world of shoping. As both an avid shopper and a socially awkward person I have to say this.

really hate being spoken to in shops.

evil mary

Darn you Mary

Now don’t get me wrong there is nothing horrific about good customer service. I am not advocating emptying shops of staff and maing everything like Argos shudders. But still I panic whenever I’m approached by a sales rep and asked “oooh have you ever tried this product?” or “Are you looking for anything in particular?” or worse “have you found everything you’re looking for today?

These are all fairly innocuous questions and I’m sure they do help some people have a more enjoyable shopping experience but I really can’t cope with being interrogated when all I want to do is find a shower gel that smells of raspberries! I shrivel into myself and my voice gets ridiculously high pitched like a small child which I know is weird but can’t seem to stop doing. For me its really counter-productive as it just makes me want to run out of the shop flailing my arms shouting “SOCIAL ENCOUNTERS SCARE ME I WANT TO GO BACK TO MY BED!” and then remain in bed for at least 7 hours huddled in my duvet cave.

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So why is this not a thing? A basket that, if you pick it up at the door to the shop, signals to the staff that you do not require any assistance at the present moment in time and you would really rather be left to browse with nothing but your thoughts.

Retail world-if you’re listening- I would like a browsing basket and I don’t want to be confronted about it.

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What is this modern nonsense?

There are a lot of things that students are expected to do (incidentally work is not one of them). There is one thing which I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get on board with and that is clubbing.

I hate clubbing in every sense of the word (that is to say I dislike going to night clubs and I am also opposed to killing seals) and there are so many reasons why. Here are but a few (this rant could go on for days so prepare yourselves.)

I just don’t understand the insides of clubs. By that I mean the interiors. These places are known to be filled with drunk people who will inevitably get fluids (bodily or otherwise) everywhere by the end of the night. Now that I can understand (although I can’t say it makes it any more appealing). But what baffles me is why on earth have carpets?  I can’t keep a drink in its container even when I’m completely sober. If I’ve been drinking I think I should avoid anywhere that isn’t easily cleaned with a mop. This isn’t something that actively makes me not want to go clubbing (we’ll get to those later) but it seriously confuses me.

If you’ve ever partaken of this clubbing malarkey you will also be aware of the peculiar rituals that take place within their sticky,sweaty darkened walls. One in particular bemuses me more than all the others. Namely the fact that when the music gets even the slightest bit louder or higher everyone puts one (or maybe even two) arms in the air. Why? I seriously have no idea where raising an arm became a legitimate way of expressing….well what? What is it expressing? Excitement? Maybe. Or maybe it is everyone desperately reaching for some invisible force to drag them out of the musty cloud that surrounds the dance floor.

There is one redeeming factor which makes this odd ritual somewhat bearable. That is when, in certain pieces of music, the music seems like it will reach a peak when really it does not. Then you watch everyone put their hands in the air, realise their mistake and turn it into a kind of self-hair-stroke. I’m an awkward human  and nothing makes me merrier (particularly in the depressing place that is ‘da club’ watching other people be awkward just makes me smile.

So those are some of the things that confuse me about clubbing. I may follow these up with the things that I hate about clubbing but it might get a tad negative.

What confuses you about clubbing?

Much Love

Judith

 

Things it should be more socially acceptable to DO

So a follow up on my previous post about what it should be more socially acceptable to wear. Society does not just hinder our fashion decisions. It also has the ability to stop us from embracing our exuberant and amazingly awkward potential selves. So here are some things I think it really ought to be more socially acceptable to do whether its just the occasional time or on a daily basis.

The word ‘frolic’ is obscenely underused. It is a word that puts me in mind of lambs in springtime and carnivals and paper lanterns and all things awesome. But when I imagine frolicking I think about skipping around in a meadow (or shopping center or indeed anywhere) without a care in the world. I imagine falling over without thinking about it and looking up at the clouds (assuming there are clouds you might not be in England, you might be in somewhere hot, or indeed underground, or just inside.) In any case don’t you think we’d all feel a little bit more free in ourselves if we were allowed to frolic every now and then? I know I do. I fully intend to frolic about Oxford this term and tough tortoise to anyone who gives me an odd look!

This took a long time to find. It has been too long since my last frolic!

This took a long time to find. It has been too long since my last frolic!

(Incidentally I only just found out that frolic is not spelled with a ‘k’ thank you spell check wizards!)

Next up is something very close to my heart. Why on earth is not more socially acceptable to sing/dance to music in shops?  I don’t care if its 7 am at the 24 hour ASDA or 4 o’ clock on a Wednesday in Debenhams. If the shop is playing a song to which I know all the words you know full well I’m going to sing and dance my heart   out in the middle of the biscuit aisle. There may or may not be a biscuit aisle in Debenhams I really ought to check. No more will I pay heed to the judgmental glances of other shoppers or (even worse) snooty, underpaid shop assistants.  If there is a top quality ‘tune’ blasting out of those muzak speakers then I am going to embrace my inner X-Factor star (sob story and all) and sing like I am having my voice box removed in the morning.

Like this. But in a shop. Who would ever complain?

Like this. But in a shop. Who would ever complain?

Running through the rain. Its absolutely chucking it down outside my room right now and all I want to do is run through the rain (maybe even frolic in it). Instead the only socially acceptable thing to do is don a waterproof and carry an extremely unwieldy umbrella which will almost definitely turn inside out at the most inopportune moment. Getting wet in the rain should not have stigma.  If it’s some big romantic thing to kiss in the pouring rain why can’t I run around crazily?

Unless you have a snazzy raincoat like this one and want to show it off.

Unless you have a snazzy raincoat like this one and want to show it off.

Going places on your own is something that maybe it isn’t that socially unacceptable but I’m still not entirely comfortable doing it. I don’t like buying food alone I don’t go to the cinema alone, I don’t even like to go to lectures on my own. Maybe I just need someone to laugh with  when I do something stupid so that I don’t just feel like I’m being laughed at. Nonetheless I think that you can enjoy things more when alone sometimes. For instance you can eat as much and as messily as you want. You can watch the films you like without judgement. This feels like what I imagine a revelation feels like….I intend to learn to do more things alone.

Going somewhere on my own should not make me curl up into a ball of awkward!

Going somewhere on my own should not make me curl up into a ball of awkward!

Pulling faces at people in shop windows is horrifically underrated. You do have to be careful as to what face you pull or someone’s pleasant cup of coffee could be ruined by a strange-haired girl (in a cape) pulling a repulsive grimace at them from the street. But if it became socially acceptable t pull said faces then it would become socially acceptable to pull faces back! Me and a couple of friends once sat in the window of a London cafe and wore hand crafted (see: we ripped holes in paper) masks. It was so much fun.

Something like this?

Something like this?

Essentially acting like an immature and yet carefree person has become something not all of us feel comfortable doing. So maybe this week we should all don our ridiculous headgear and go out into the world and listen to the little voice in our heads that says “pull a funny face!” or “run through the sprinkler” because life is far too short to worry about your shoes getting wet.

What do you think we should be able to do without fear of judgement?

Until the next time!

Judith

x

 

Things it should be more socially acceptable to wear

So I’m back after a fairly (ok very) long hiatus (droops head in shame in the hope that you will feel guilty and forgive me). I have no excuse other than sheer laziness and the profound power of procrastination. I hope to be back posting regularly but I make no promises because I know what I’m like. ANYWAY….

Do you, dear reader, like myself struggle day to day with the ebb and flow of fashion? Constantly confused over what is hot and what is not? Bewildered as to why a certain shade of orange nail polish (or should I say “evanescent creamy peach” as these things always have pretentious names) has been deemed “hot” for whatever season you happen to be in? Well its good to know we’re all in the same boat. Now I don’t dress that extravagantly. You tend to find me in dresses, often with floral prints and my staple pair of Dr Martens which I’m sure some people think I sleep in. I don’t. Or at least….I don’t deliberately sleep with them on.

But there are certain things that we really ought to be allowed to wear without fear of being reprimanded by our peers! Of course you might say that one could (and indeed should) wear these things when alone or at a fancy dress party but (dramatic statement alert).

IT IS TIME FOR A REVOLUTION

Here are just some of my ideas for things that it really ought to be more socially acceptable to wear in public.

Ok first up is one which should be obvious. Capes. Capes are amazing. But why are they limited to those in fancy dress? If a person collecting for charity can where a cape why can’t I? This revelation occurred to me when I was at a bop (think fancy dress party for students) and went as little red riding hood. Being my arguably fictional self after a few drinks I berated a good four older students who I did not (at the time) know asking every one for about ten minutes why it was not more socially acceptable to wear a cape? While that will forever be one of the cringier moments of my existence nevertheless the point still stands. In fact capes ought to be exclusive to mere mortals such as myself. As seen in the (spectacular) film ‘The Incredibles’ capes are highly impracticle garments for superheroes there is no such issue for civilians like us! We ought to reclaim the cape for ourselves because-lets face it-we’re far less likely to be sucked into a jet engine or accidentally attached to a missile.

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Observe us basking in the awesomeness of my cape! (Or maybe we were running from a wolf)

Next-ridiculous hats. I own s many of these and while I do get them out on the odd occasion I always feel somewhat judged by certain members of society? When will the world be free of this yoke of oppression? When will I be able to walk the streets of Oxford in my woolen hat that has eyes attached to  the top so it looks like a frog without being silently mocked by all who see me? So in addition to capes I’m also reclaiming ridiculous headwear. Not only can it keep you warm but if you think about it it’s super practical! Umbrella hats allow one to text with one hand whilst holding a piping hot coffee in the other without getting your hair wet. But since out society has deemed such headwear ‘ridiculous’ and therefore socially unacceptable we cannot embrace the wonder that is hands free umbrellas. Until this day.

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I don’t recall at what age it became socially unaceptable to wear edible jewellery but whatever day it was it was a sad day. Accesorizing with tasty snacks will always be a fond memory. I long for a day when I can once again parade about town adorned with candy necklaces, haribo rings and a bracelet made by stringing cheerios onto a strawberry lace. We live in a world where disaster lurks around every corner and yet societal norms dictate that we cannot prepare ourselves by carrying extra snacks on our person while at the same time looking amazing. Now I am craving sweets and I’m angry at the world…never a good combination.

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Salivating…..

Last but most definitely not least. Why do they not make children’s shoes for adults?  This plagues me every day. When I was a little girl I had amazing shoes with boats embroidered on them and (though they were deemed unnecessary by my mother) I always wanted trainers that lit up when I ran. Now I’m at a stage where I have disposable income (cough student loan cough) but my ridiculously out of proportion mammoth feet are too huge to fit the shoes I once craved. It is a travesty and on the off chance that I am ever in charge of an enormous shoe making firm (you never know it might happen) I am going to design myself the most epic pair of light up trainers with wheels on the bottom that have boats embroidered on them and can…shoot lasers (non lethal lasers of course) from the toes the world has ever seen!

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See aren’t they just adorable!!! Why can’t I have these now?

So that was my-ahem- short rant about the restrictions society places on what we should and should not wear. Maybe I’m wrong and society isn’t the thing that needs to change. Maybe I am. Well if you see a (now purple haired) girl wandering down the street with her cape fluttering behind her as she munches on her jewelry completely unhindered by the rain due to her awesome hat don’t point and laugh. Merely bask in the glow of her wondrous light up shoes as she walks (nay swaggers) by.

Stay awkward

Judith x

 

A Trip to Poundland

In my previous post I mentioned that I got asked for Identification when buying a “Big Kid’s Cutlery Set” in the pound shop the other day. Well there’s a lot more to that whole saga than just the hilarity of them being unsure as to whether to sell me a knife that isn’t sharp enough to break the skin on an apple. We went to the shop of wonderment in order to purchase the strangest thing we could find so that a friend could have nine pounds change for passport photos. Now the hilarity of finding the tackiest thing in the pound shop is something I think we can all appreciate. So let’s go on a photo-filled journey through the wonder that is “one pound’s worth of absolute rubbish!”

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Here is George with a prospective purchase-I don’t think he’s too impressed.

So first we have the Winnie the Pooh bib. This is more relevant than you would think as we are both members of the Magdalen College Pooh-Sticks society (it’s on Wikipedia so it must be true right?) and this did make me giggle. I think it really brings out his coloring and would be both practical and stylish. George did not agree. So we continued with our quest.

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Here is George with his sparkly stick. Slightly more impressed but I don’t think we are quite there yet.

Next we found this rather snazzy sparkly stick. George selected a green colour to match his equally snazzy military jacket (George was born into the wrong generation as he is far too dashing in period costume). As you can see from the photo this pleased us more than the bib did but I don’t think it quite summed up the tackiness we were really looking for. We had to leave the sparkly baton behind us and continue our search through this cave of ‘wonders.’

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George and the POISON!

And here we have George modelling the very fetching poison that comes in tasteful packaging with a fun theme. Would you trust poison from the pound shop? I don;t think I would. I can imagine everything ending up dead except the mouse or rat. Anyway this doesn’t fulfill our ‘tacky’ brief.

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Scarlett located this rather fabulous grabbing stick. It was incredibly useful for grabbing things of shelves and causing copious amounts of joy. There is something strangely satisfying about grabbing things using an extended arm than just with your own hands isn’t there?

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WE FOUND AN OWL! This is a rather fabulous lawn ornament that I think would bring a touch of class to anyone’s garden. Observe how it adds a touch of class to my face.

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Moving on to the seasonal stock these were some rather dashing customisable Easter bonnets. Perfect for keeping all the rain off your head in this English spring. Ah the weather we are having.

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Ok. Here we have it. The most terrifying item I have ever seen. This is a one legged plastic dog which opens it’s mouth when you use it’s lone appendage as a trigger. This photo does not do it justice. Everyone should buy one of these just so they can ward of their enemies. Or hoards of Dayana minions. Or the apocalypse. I’m fairly sure these dog things could scare off anything!

So that was our adventure into the world of pound land. Now remember if your going to use a big kid’s cutlery set use it responsibly. Don’t injure anyone! Don’t run with blunt cutlery!