Things it should be more socially acceptable to DO

So a follow up on my previous post about what it should be more socially acceptable to wear. Society does not just hinder our fashion decisions. It also has the ability to stop us from embracing our exuberant and amazingly awkward potential selves. So here are some things I think it really ought to be more socially acceptable to do whether its just the occasional time or on a daily basis.

The word ‘frolic’ is obscenely underused. It is a word that puts me in mind of lambs in springtime and carnivals and paper lanterns and all things awesome. But when I imagine frolicking I think about skipping around in a meadow (or shopping center or indeed anywhere) without a care in the world. I imagine falling over without thinking about it and looking up at the clouds (assuming there are clouds you might not be in England, you might be in somewhere hot, or indeed underground, or just inside.) In any case don’t you think we’d all feel a little bit more free in ourselves if we were allowed to frolic every now and then? I know I do. I fully intend to frolic about Oxford this term and tough tortoise to anyone who gives me an odd look!

This took a long time to find. It has been too long since my last frolic!

This took a long time to find. It has been too long since my last frolic!

(Incidentally I only just found out that frolic is not spelled with a ‘k’ thank you spell check wizards!)

Next up is something very close to my heart. Why on earth is not more socially acceptable to sing/dance to music in shops?  I don’t care if its 7 am at the 24 hour ASDA or 4 o’ clock on a Wednesday in Debenhams. If the shop is playing a song to which I know all the words you know full well I’m going to sing and dance my heart   out in the middle of the biscuit aisle. There may or may not be a biscuit aisle in Debenhams I really ought to check. No more will I pay heed to the judgmental glances of other shoppers or (even worse) snooty, underpaid shop assistants.  If there is a top quality ‘tune’ blasting out of those muzak speakers then I am going to embrace my inner X-Factor star (sob story and all) and sing like I am having my voice box removed in the morning.

Like this. But in a shop. Who would ever complain?

Like this. But in a shop. Who would ever complain?

Running through the rain. Its absolutely chucking it down outside my room right now and all I want to do is run through the rain (maybe even frolic in it). Instead the only socially acceptable thing to do is don a waterproof and carry an extremely unwieldy umbrella which will almost definitely turn inside out at the most inopportune moment. Getting wet in the rain should not have stigma.  If it’s some big romantic thing to kiss in the pouring rain why can’t I run around crazily?

Unless you have a snazzy raincoat like this one and want to show it off.

Unless you have a snazzy raincoat like this one and want to show it off.

Going places on your own is something that maybe it isn’t that socially unacceptable but I’m still not entirely comfortable doing it. I don’t like buying food alone I don’t go to the cinema alone, I don’t even like to go to lectures on my own. Maybe I just need someone to laugh with  when I do something stupid so that I don’t just feel like I’m being laughed at. Nonetheless I think that you can enjoy things more when alone sometimes. For instance you can eat as much and as messily as you want. You can watch the films you like without judgement. This feels like what I imagine a revelation feels like….I intend to learn to do more things alone.

Going somewhere on my own should not make me curl up into a ball of awkward!

Going somewhere on my own should not make me curl up into a ball of awkward!

Pulling faces at people in shop windows is horrifically underrated. You do have to be careful as to what face you pull or someone’s pleasant cup of coffee could be ruined by a strange-haired girl (in a cape) pulling a repulsive grimace at them from the street. But if it became socially acceptable t pull said faces then it would become socially acceptable to pull faces back! Me and a couple of friends once sat in the window of a London cafe and wore hand crafted (see: we ripped holes in paper) masks. It was so much fun.

Something like this?

Something like this?

Essentially acting like an immature and yet carefree person has become something not all of us feel comfortable doing. So maybe this week we should all don our ridiculous headgear and go out into the world and listen to the little voice in our heads that says “pull a funny face!” or “run through the sprinkler” because life is far too short to worry about your shoes getting wet.

What do you think we should be able to do without fear of judgement?

Until the next time!

Judith

x

 

Things it should be more socially acceptable to wear

So I’m back after a fairly (ok very) long hiatus (droops head in shame in the hope that you will feel guilty and forgive me). I have no excuse other than sheer laziness and the profound power of procrastination. I hope to be back posting regularly but I make no promises because I know what I’m like. ANYWAY….

Do you, dear reader, like myself struggle day to day with the ebb and flow of fashion? Constantly confused over what is hot and what is not? Bewildered as to why a certain shade of orange nail polish (or should I say “evanescent creamy peach” as these things always have pretentious names) has been deemed “hot” for whatever season you happen to be in? Well its good to know we’re all in the same boat. Now I don’t dress that extravagantly. You tend to find me in dresses, often with floral prints and my staple pair of Dr Martens which I’m sure some people think I sleep in. I don’t. Or at least….I don’t deliberately sleep with them on.

But there are certain things that we really ought to be allowed to wear without fear of being reprimanded by our peers! Of course you might say that one could (and indeed should) wear these things when alone or at a fancy dress party but (dramatic statement alert).

IT IS TIME FOR A REVOLUTION

Here are just some of my ideas for things that it really ought to be more socially acceptable to wear in public.

Ok first up is one which should be obvious. Capes. Capes are amazing. But why are they limited to those in fancy dress? If a person collecting for charity can where a cape why can’t I? This revelation occurred to me when I was at a bop (think fancy dress party for students) and went as little red riding hood. Being my arguably fictional self after a few drinks I berated a good four older students who I did not (at the time) know asking every one for about ten minutes why it was not more socially acceptable to wear a cape? While that will forever be one of the cringier moments of my existence nevertheless the point still stands. In fact capes ought to be exclusive to mere mortals such as myself. As seen in the (spectacular) film ‘The Incredibles’ capes are highly impracticle garments for superheroes there is no such issue for civilians like us! We ought to reclaim the cape for ourselves because-lets face it-we’re far less likely to be sucked into a jet engine or accidentally attached to a missile.

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Observe us basking in the awesomeness of my cape! (Or maybe we were running from a wolf)

Next-ridiculous hats. I own s many of these and while I do get them out on the odd occasion I always feel somewhat judged by certain members of society? When will the world be free of this yoke of oppression? When will I be able to walk the streets of Oxford in my woolen hat that has eyes attached to  the top so it looks like a frog without being silently mocked by all who see me? So in addition to capes I’m also reclaiming ridiculous headwear. Not only can it keep you warm but if you think about it it’s super practical! Umbrella hats allow one to text with one hand whilst holding a piping hot coffee in the other without getting your hair wet. But since out society has deemed such headwear ‘ridiculous’ and therefore socially unacceptable we cannot embrace the wonder that is hands free umbrellas. Until this day.

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I don’t recall at what age it became socially unaceptable to wear edible jewellery but whatever day it was it was a sad day. Accesorizing with tasty snacks will always be a fond memory. I long for a day when I can once again parade about town adorned with candy necklaces, haribo rings and a bracelet made by stringing cheerios onto a strawberry lace. We live in a world where disaster lurks around every corner and yet societal norms dictate that we cannot prepare ourselves by carrying extra snacks on our person while at the same time looking amazing. Now I am craving sweets and I’m angry at the world…never a good combination.

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Salivating…..

Last but most definitely not least. Why do they not make children’s shoes for adults?  This plagues me every day. When I was a little girl I had amazing shoes with boats embroidered on them and (though they were deemed unnecessary by my mother) I always wanted trainers that lit up when I ran. Now I’m at a stage where I have disposable income (cough student loan cough) but my ridiculously out of proportion mammoth feet are too huge to fit the shoes I once craved. It is a travesty and on the off chance that I am ever in charge of an enormous shoe making firm (you never know it might happen) I am going to design myself the most epic pair of light up trainers with wheels on the bottom that have boats embroidered on them and can…shoot lasers (non lethal lasers of course) from the toes the world has ever seen!

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See aren’t they just adorable!!! Why can’t I have these now?

So that was my-ahem- short rant about the restrictions society places on what we should and should not wear. Maybe I’m wrong and society isn’t the thing that needs to change. Maybe I am. Well if you see a (now purple haired) girl wandering down the street with her cape fluttering behind her as she munches on her jewelry completely unhindered by the rain due to her awesome hat don’t point and laugh. Merely bask in the glow of her wondrous light up shoes as she walks (nay swaggers) by.

Stay awkward

Judith x

 

A Trip to Poundland

In my previous post I mentioned that I got asked for Identification when buying a “Big Kid’s Cutlery Set” in the pound shop the other day. Well there’s a lot more to that whole saga than just the hilarity of them being unsure as to whether to sell me a knife that isn’t sharp enough to break the skin on an apple. We went to the shop of wonderment in order to purchase the strangest thing we could find so that a friend could have nine pounds change for passport photos. Now the hilarity of finding the tackiest thing in the pound shop is something I think we can all appreciate. So let’s go on a photo-filled journey through the wonder that is “one pound’s worth of absolute rubbish!”

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Here is George with a prospective purchase-I don’t think he’s too impressed.

So first we have the Winnie the Pooh bib. This is more relevant than you would think as we are both members of the Magdalen College Pooh-Sticks society (it’s on Wikipedia so it must be true right?) and this did make me giggle. I think it really brings out his coloring and would be both practical and stylish. George did not agree. So we continued with our quest.

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Here is George with his sparkly stick. Slightly more impressed but I don’t think we are quite there yet.

Next we found this rather snazzy sparkly stick. George selected a green colour to match his equally snazzy military jacket (George was born into the wrong generation as he is far too dashing in period costume). As you can see from the photo this pleased us more than the bib did but I don’t think it quite summed up the tackiness we were really looking for. We had to leave the sparkly baton behind us and continue our search through this cave of ‘wonders.’

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George and the POISON!

And here we have George modelling the very fetching poison that comes in tasteful packaging with a fun theme. Would you trust poison from the pound shop? I don;t think I would. I can imagine everything ending up dead except the mouse or rat. Anyway this doesn’t fulfill our ‘tacky’ brief.

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Scarlett located this rather fabulous grabbing stick. It was incredibly useful for grabbing things of shelves and causing copious amounts of joy. There is something strangely satisfying about grabbing things using an extended arm than just with your own hands isn’t there?

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WE FOUND AN OWL! This is a rather fabulous lawn ornament that I think would bring a touch of class to anyone’s garden. Observe how it adds a touch of class to my face.

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Moving on to the seasonal stock these were some rather dashing customisable Easter bonnets. Perfect for keeping all the rain off your head in this English spring. Ah the weather we are having.

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Ok. Here we have it. The most terrifying item I have ever seen. This is a one legged plastic dog which opens it’s mouth when you use it’s lone appendage as a trigger. This photo does not do it justice. Everyone should buy one of these just so they can ward of their enemies. Or hoards of Dayana minions. Or the apocalypse. I’m fairly sure these dog things could scare off anything!

So that was our adventure into the world of pound land. Now remember if your going to use a big kid’s cutlery set use it responsibly. Don’t injure anyone! Don’t run with blunt cutlery!

The hilarity of hair dye!

So I said in my previous post that I would keep you all informed of my hair dying process. Now I have absolutely NO intention of making this a beauty or cosmetic review post (although I’ll link you to a good one) but I thought you’d all like to share in this-frankly terrifying- journey with me.

Don’t get me wrong I’m no hair dye virgin. As I’ve said before I’ve christened all of my breakups with a new hair colour but this is the first time I’ve ever bleached my hair. It’s…more than scary. So join me in my transition from dark purple-y red (also described as ‘satanic’ by a close friend) to blonde to blue. I am horrendously happy to be sharing this experience with you. As this process will be in stages I shall blog in the waiting around bits so it might be a bit weird but then again all my posts are weird so hurray!

20:00 18/02 (English dates obviously there is no eighteenth month)

I have started stripping the colour out of my hair. basically according to my extensive research I need to try to get as much of the dye that is already in my hair out of my hair before I can bleach it or it will go a weird yellow colour when I bleach it (aaah). I’m using Adee Phelan hair colour remover which is…fine. I can’t really pass judgement until it’s done. the packaging is very nice but the instructions are written as though this strange balding man is talking to me (side note why is a bald man selling me hair colour remover???) Anyway so far the only major disasters have been me knocking over the bottle and spilling some of it on the side of my sink (classic clumsy me!) and my general inability to sit still despite the wonder that is Netflix. I was a bit worried because reviewers online (yes I read reviews wouldn’t you if you were going to ‘chemicalise’ your hair?) said the stuff smelt really bad and I didn’t want to repulse my next door neighbor who I’m fairly sure thinks I’m mental anyway (I sing to myself). But even though it doesn’t smell in any way nice it isn’t half as bad as I anticipated. I can’t bleach and blue until tomorrow because the dye doesn’t arrive until then so I’m freaking out at mental images of this stuff making my hair a horrible shade of…actually I can’t think of any hair colour I would hate sso lets just say A HAIR CRISIS OF UNKNOWN GENRE might happen and I would have to go to lectures, latin and then boots with half my hair missing or something. I shall keep you posted. (Help 45 minutes until I discover if I am bald)

20:30 18/02

Man alive half an hour to go and I’m already bored. Normally I’d be sending people crazy selfies by now (mirror face for the win) but when you have all your hair piled on your head its not really fair on them. Sigh…back to this endless wait.

21:10 18/02

Ok so I’m kind of regretting doing this in my room. The instructions call for warm water and I have one of those annoying two tap systems so its more a frozen/mount doom situation. But it looks like it got lighter. Which is scary, I think it may be hideously uneven and the blue from where I used to have it dip dyed is completely revealed so it is definitely a hat wearing day tomorrow. I’m so scared to see this when it’s dry. Maybe I should bleach it tonight. No I’m far too tired. I’ll keep you posted.

21:24 18/02

Sprayed some conditioner in it and disentangled the bird nest that was my hair. ITS SO WEIRD! This is the lightest my hair has been since I was about seven years old. I may reward you all with pictures when it’s dry.

22:14 18/02

DO I LIKE THIS?

08:54 19/02

Well I’m ginger. This is actually awesome :D

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Incidentally…I may have done something silly and spilled the stuff that says to ON NO ACCOUNT get it on metal…on my cutlery. Now I must buy all new cutlery and a new mug (that’s not hugely relevant I just broke a mug yesterday).

19/12 The evening

So I still haven’t gone out and bought cutlery so I’m eating everything with a tiny plastic fork that came in a pot of pomegranate seeds (I am the very definition of ‘classy’). But that isn’t why you’re here! You want to hear about how I put bleach into my hair and killed whatever was left of it! Well that happened and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I mean the bleach smelt bad and I ruined a T shirt (an old T shirt that was already covered in hair dye I’m not THAT much of an idiot.) Then I put in the white toner and rinsed that out (this is such a kerfuffle.) NOW FOR THE BLUE DYE!!!

Slightly later….

It’s blue!!!! This makes me so happy!!! Admittedly the rest of my skin is also blue and despite nail polish remover it isn’t quite coming off-I think I’m going to have to look like a Lizard woman for a while….

 

25/02

Ok I have been neglecting to post this because I have been waiting to get used to the colour myself before I share it with everyone else. But in the meantime I got asked for ID when buying a “big kid’s cutlery set” in poundland…which was impressive. Anyway the blue is still beautiful and I am still marginally blue shaded but I don’t mind because I HAVE BLUE HAIR.

I’m going to stare at it in the mirror some more and then dance happily around my room!

Thankyou for sharing this awkward and bumbling journey with me-I hope it made you laugh….or cry….or just thump your head on the desk in desperation at my failure.

Judith!

It's BLUE!!!!

It’s BLUE!!!!

OPTIMISM!

Well my dearest reader clearly my pigeon poem didn’t do the trick as I find myself alone in life once more. Now stop looking at me like I’m a wounded horse I’m actually fine! I mean that. As break-ups go this is being surprisingly bearable as it was always coming (long story and not exactly mine to share so stop looking so quizzical I’m not going to tell you). No what I really wanted to write about was my arguably fictional ways of dealing with break-ups. Now this is NOT going to be depressing I swear (this blog has got fairly angst-ridden recently) so I promise you this is a move back to me expressing my eccentricities and weirdness for you to either laugh at or relate to.

So let’s jump right in!

The first thing I tend to do is get weird about sleep. I’m always fairly odd sleep-wise as I either sleep for hours and hours or I don’t sleep at all until I burn out and flop onto my bed like a zombie. But when I’m going through things I really hate sleeping in my bed. I don’t know what it is but I like to get out of the ordinary for a bit. So yesterday I woke up in a duvet nest under my desk. That made it sound like I didn’t know why I was there and that a duvet nest spontaneously formed around me-no I made the duvet nest in which to binge watch bad television and I decided it would be fun to sleep there. It was a surprisingly comfortable if slightly confusing place to wake up. Other fun locations I’ve woken up in in the past? I’ve woken up on the floor next to my bed a few times where I’ve woken up and just laid down next to the bed. That one was particularly odd and I think was a result of weird nightmares about Greek mythology. Hmmm where else? I’ve decided to sleep at the top of a flight of stairs before. I woke up to the feeling of almost teetering over the edge which was frankly one of the most terrifying situations I’ve ever been in.

Hair dye plays a hugely important part in my coping mechanisms. I like to change my hair colour whenever I’m going through something and this time I think I’m taking the plunge and bleaching it to go BLUE! I’m seriously excited and if it goes wrong I think I’ll just take up residence in the desk-nest and not emerge until the end of term. Or maybe I will use my strange new hairdo to intimidate others and get people to leave me alone when I’m feeling antisocial? Anyway I’ll let you know how that business goes as I daresay it will be filled with ‘hilarious’ mishaps.

I think breakups simultaneously make me more productive and less efficient. Is that possible? Well in my opinion yes.  I start blog posts I start short stories I make huge plans to get all my work done- I am a monster of organisation and creativity. But I don’t actually finish anything. My room is littered with micro managing to do lists and scraps of poetry scribbled on bits of coffee-stained paper. This makes it infinitely harder to navigate especially since the desk-nest is also taking up a lot of space in my not-so-humongous bedroom. But it is nice to at least feel as though I’m accomplishing something even if it is all a ruse.

Ok here is the only inconvenient side effect of this whole business. Not that the rest of it is a party. But this is the only thing that really bugs me.

I get more clumsy.

Now for most people this wouldn’t be a big deal but for me its basically ruining my existence. Today alone I had to spend 2 hours fixing my computer keyboard because I thwacked it with a fork (too long a story to explain) and I’ve smashed a mug which means I have to do more washing up if I want coffee any time soon (which lets face it I do). These inconveniences pale into insignificance behind the hundreds of bumps and scrapes and bruises I have sustained and I’ve only actually left my room about four times today.  My favourite was standing up from my desk, tripping over the corner of carpet that always folds over because it is badly positioned behind my swivel chair, almost catching myself by leaping like a goat across the room but then landing on a stray shoe in the middle of the carpet and finally falling over into a pile of shoes with a spectacular *thunk!* I am frankly amazed that I have survived the day.

Well what do you know? (that’s a rhetorical question I don’t actually care what it is that you know even if you know the meaning of life because it would be rude to interrupt me now) I actually finished one of the things I started. Does that mean I have to go back and edit that paragraph? No the point still stands. I’ve written way more words in this blog post than I have of the essay that’s due this time tomorrow. Never mind I love you all far more than I love Municipal Culture and Euergetism in the Roman World.

Please stop doing the whole “poor you” face. I’m feeling substantially less blue than my hair soon will be. Although if you did want to send me copious amounts of chocolate I’m sure I could put them to good use. *innocent smile*

A Valentine’s day Poem

Red is a rose
Grey is a pigeon
I think you’re pretty
Pretty damn bitchin’

Roses are red
Pigeons are grey
Won’t you be mine
This valentines day

Pigeons are vermin
Roses are not
Why don’t you love me?
I think that you’re hot

I’ll love you forever
A lot not a smidgen
You are pretty and clever
So unlike a pigeon 

This poem is odd
But still it is true
If you’ll be my pigeon
I’ll always love you

A Place for Everyone and Everyone in a Place-Including me?

I’m awestruck by how often I ask myself “Why on earth are you doing this degree?” My degree-in case you were wondering-is in archaeology and ancient history. Now if someone had asked me that question six months ago I probably would have laughed and flippantly responded with a casual “oh I don’t know…to be on Horrible Histories?” I am so very very witty I know (cringe). But even interviewing for the course I was never properly made to answer this question so I never came up with an adequate response. Now that I’m devoting ridiculous sums of money, time and energy into studying it I can’t help but feel I really should have been forced to come up with that answer. It’s really hard when you’re learning a language that people no longer speak so that you can read books the authors of which died so long ago that the authors of the books which are about those books are now also dead! You see how the spiral of angst and confusion leads down a long road of futility. While you can hope that the aforementioned long road will end in something pleasant like the ice cream parlor of self worth or the incredibly cheap shoe shop of fulfillment really I expect that the longer I travel down that spiral the more unnecessary I ‘ll start to feel.

And I’ve been feeling unnecessary for a while.

So! Its time to turn this rather depressing vehicle of thought around and attempt to focus on finding whatever pathway gives even an iota of worth to this thing that I spend all my time doing. Therefore, ladies, gentlemen and those who see themselves as any combination thereof (cue drum roll) I present to you…

(drum roll continues for just a little bit too long)

Judith’s List of Reasons her Life has some Relevance!

1. I give people an example of how not to behave.

This may seem rather self deprecating I’ll admit but I do think it’s one of my main uses as a human being. I think my examples of awkwardness, embarrassment, clumsiness and general all round life failure give people something that not only cheers them up but also makes them thing “hey! When I’m walking along a cobbled street holding a cup of coffee I will remember to pick my feet up an adequate amount so as to not cause me to trip and pour scalding coffee all over myself!” Now maybe this isn’t the most affirming route to that ice cream parlor of self-worth but I think it helps me to get there. I may never be thanked by the many onlookers who observe my bumbling mess of a life while trying not to openly laugh but I can feel deep inside that I’ve made their lives a tiny bit more…well informed.

2.  I could discover something revolutionary!

I have come to terms with the fact that if I ever dig up or deduce something from the ancient world it’s not going to change the world as we know it. That’s just a fact. The things I discover that happened in the past-they already did their bit in making changes so as historians and archaeologists we’re kind of reversing the normal path of discovery I suppose. When you’re a mathematician you get handed a puzzle and you have to work out the answer (something I really can’t do) but historians? We live in the answer and it’s the puzzle we’re trying to figure out. Maybe you don’t see that as relevant to the world. Well let me ask you this? If you had been handed the final chapter of your favourite book or only watched the final episode of your favourite TV show would that be enough? Of course it wouldn’t! Well it wouldn’t be for me-no matter how much I pretend I can’t actually read minds (or can I?). So no, I’m not going to change the way the world works. I’m not going to save the sea otter or produce the world’s first carbon neutral discotheque. But the things I find out are just as exciting and relevant to our world and I can’t wait to discover them.

3. I can make learning fun! (Naff music here)

All jokes aside I really would love to either write for or perform on a show like Horrible Histories one day. It would wind up all my passions (history, singing, acting, bad puns) into one convenient blob of employment. I really hope that they’re still making similar shows in 3 years when I graduate and are in need of a bumbling character who can fall on her  face on cue.

4. You all know the Greeks and Romans were cool!

You can deny it all you want-my degree is interesting. The amount of people who, when I mention what I study, say “oooh I wish i had done that!” is off the chart. Seriously who wouldn’t want to devote this much time and energy into studying people who had a God who thought  a great pick up technique would be turning into a swan? Or better yet a people who, instead of stopping eating all the cake just threw up so they could eat infinite amounts of cake. Now that is relevant to my daily life.

So no matter how many times I spiral into existential crisis in the coming weeks I will attempt to remember that my degree-while not world changing- is still pretty badass!